


Stupidity

by localpharmacist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Closeted Character, Denial of Feelings, Hinted Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Light Angst, M/M, Pining Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Hinata Shouyou, Third Year Kageyama Tobio, Third Year Tsukishima Kei, Third Year Yachi Hitoka, Third Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localpharmacist/pseuds/localpharmacist
Summary: "I'm so stupid.""You are."-Just Tsukishima trying to handle his own feelings. Or maybe not.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 8
Kudos: 116





	Stupidity

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something, because why not? Hehe. I'm very, very bad at summaries. Regardless, I hope you guys will be able to enjoy this one too!

_I can't confess._

The sunlight that came through the window felt warm on his skin, and it had lit up his pale blond hair. The wind found its way into the room, and the papers they had laid out on the table flipped and flickered, threatening to fly off the surface. Tsukishima pressed them down with his hands, then Kageyama placed some erasers strategically on the paper to weight them down.

They continued with their studying, Yachi's small voice rang in the air of the library while Kageyama and Hinata nodded their heads to her words. Yamaguchi piped in every now and then when Yachi needed help with the explanation, or when the Freak Duo couldn't understand what Yachi had just told them.

Tsukishima wondered if it was because Yamaguchi was the captain now that it had made it way more easier for Kageyama and Hinata to understand him, or maybe Yamaguchi had grown to learn about their strange way of communicating, and so he could talk to them easier now. Either way, Tsukishima didn't know how Yamaguchi did it. Yachi he could understand, because she had been helping them since their first year. She had grown immune to the stress that they gave.

Though he supposed Yamaguchi was a kind person, kinder than him at least. He had to deal with Tsukishima for most of their childhood, so of course he could handle Kageyama and Hinata. As hysterical as they were, at least they weren't bitter, Tsukishima thought.

The wind came again, this time it blew the very thin curtains that hung over the windows. Kageyama sat with his back facing one of the windows, and the curtain, the veil, was blown over his head, covering his face. Tsukishima who was sitting across from him, could only stare behind his glasses as they caught the glint from the sunlight pouring in, lighting up Kageyama's figure. The blue of his hair shone, and strands of it flew.

The setter clicked his tongue, pushing the curtain off his head, and it dragged his short bangs back with it. They fell to cover his forehead again, and Tsukishima could hear Hinata snickering next to Kageyama.

"You looked like a bride, Kageyama," Hinata said, smirking. "A scary bride."

Kageyama glared at him. "Shut up before I throw you out of the window."

The two of them fell into their usual bickering, and Yamaguchi had to stop them before they got kicked out of the library. Tsukishima had listened, wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words or his voice. He had sat there, looked at Kageyama, back lit up with the sunlight, and forgot about the papers on the table.

_I remember being really angry,_

The hallway was devoid of other students, which made sense because everyone was still sitting in each of their classroom. Tsukishima had asked for a permission to go to the bathroom, and he had to walk past Kageyama's classroom. He pretended that his legs didn't pick up their speed at the thought of checking on Kageyama.

One of the windows to Kageyama's classroom was opened, and it happened to be the one next to Kageyama's desk. Tsukishima walked towards it, quiet chattering reached his ears. He took a quick glance inside the room first, and he couldn't find the teacher anywhere. His eyes shift down to Kageyama who was burying his face into the fold of his arms on the desk.

The person who sat behind Kageyama looked at him for a moment, a flash of recognition in those eyes, then he nodded his head at Tsukishima who returned the gesture wordlessly.

He had visited Kageyama's classroom for a few times now, although usually he would appear together with their friends to bother Kageyama, or to drag him to go eat lunch together- well, Hinata and Yamaguchi dragged both him and Kageyama. Sometimes he would come by himself, mostly to ask Kageyama to return his notes or to help him with schoolwork, but Kageyama would always be the one to look for him if it was the latter.

It wasn't rare to see them together. It really wasn't. But as he looked down at Kageyama, taking a nap as if he had no worries at all, without any of their friends present, made it feel somewhat different. It was different from the times where they would sit across or next to each other, with books and papers chaining Kageyama's focus.

Tsukishima leaned against the windowsill, then he brought his hand above Kageyama's head, he hovered for a second before he placed his hand on the back of Kageyama's head. His fingers brushed the dark strands, and he watched as they slid against his skin, like ink spilling through the crack of his fingers.

"Oi, King," he called, and he couldn't control the fondness in his voice.

His hand moved to Kageyama's right ear, and with a small smirk he pinched it. Kageyama stirred, and it took him a few seconds to lift his head up from the desk. His bangs were messy, and his forehead was slightly red. Tsukishima watched as Kageyama blinked blearily, yawning, and scratched his head before he looked up at Tsukishima.

"Ugh- what are you doing here?" he groaned, lips set into a frown.

He thought it was funny how he became so well-acquainted with each one of Kageyama's frowns. This one was the usual frown that seemed to be plastered on his face. It held no meaning, no heat, just a default expression of Kageyama Tobio.

"Going to the bathroom," he replied. "Where's your teacher?"

Kageyama shrugged. "Got something to do in the office."

Tsukishima nodded his head at the reply. Kageyama was massaging the back of his own neck, mumbling about how it hurt. Tsukishima looked around the room, and he was glad that nobody seemed to be paying attention to them.

He placed his hand on the back of Kageyama's neck, and their hands brushed. He nudged Kageyama's hand away, then he started to give him a little massage. Just random rubbing and kneading. Kageyama let out an exhale as he closed his eyes. He could feel warmth spreading its way through his hand. Tsukishima took his time leaving traces of his fingers on Kageyama's skin, and he wished that his fingerprints could leave marks on him. Something that would tell everyone that he was here.

"You'll hurt your neck if you sleep like that," Tsukishima said.

Kageyama only hummed, too busy enjoying Tsukishima's massage. This made Tsukishima smile, but he tried to push it down with another pinch on Kageyama's neck.

"Ah-" the setter flinched, then he looked at Tsukishima. "What the hell?"

"You're getting too comfortable, your Highness," he said, then he looked away, continuing his walk down the hallway.

"Oi, Tsukishima!"

He didn't turn around. He only waved a hand and said, "Bathroom."

He could hear someone scolding Kageyama for sticking his head out of the window, and it was followed by the sound of the window sliding to a close.

_but I don't know exactly why._

Kageyama fell during practice.

Tsukishima didn't know what to feel. The good news was that he fell while he was just standing on the court, and so he didn't sprain his ankles or broke his bones or even tear his muscles. He just fell to his butt. The bad news was that he had gotten a fever.

It was good that Kageyama had not injured himself, but still the sight of Kageyama- eyelids heavy, eyes watery, breaths batted, and limbs tired made his chest tightened. Kageyama had never gotten sick, at least he had never seen him in that kind of state before. Tsukishima had always thought that Kageyama was untouchable by illnesses. He'd thought that Kageyama was immune. Something about being an idiot, but that was proven wrong because Hinata did get sick in the middle of the game during their first year.

Tsukishima was the first person that got to Kageyama when he fell.

Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough to prevent the fall, but he still was the fastest to crouch next to Kageyama. He was the first to touch him, and his skin was searing with heat. His face was slightly red as he looked up at Tsukishima. Blue irises wavering.

Tsukishima helped him up, propping Kageyama's left arm around his neck, while Hinata got the right one. They brought Kageyama to the bench, and the setter was staggering as he proceeded to sit down- it looked more like he just dropped his whole body on the bench. Yachi and Takeda-sensei hurriedly checked on him, everyone did. Yamaguchi had to tell the younger members to step back to give Kageyama some room to breathe.

The first and second years were surprised to see Kageyama just broke down like that. He had always overworked himself, but this was the first time to see him just fall. Tsukishima supposed that maybe their underclassmen also thought that Kageyama was immune to illness or even weariness. Well, no matter how amazing he was, he was still a human being after all.

The bespectacled boy only watched as Yachi helped Kageyama with his water bottle. Hinata was scolding Kageyama, telling him how careless he was for falling sick. Kageyama only grumbled out quiet insults that didn't fill the gym as they usually did. Yamaguchi was wiping his forehead, brushing his dark bangs back. Kageyama's face was red, flushed from the fever.

"You should go home, Kageyama-kun," Takeda-sensei said, worry lines decorating his face. "Take some rest."

Kageyama shook his head slowly. "I'm fine, sensei. I can continue with the practice."

Coach Ukai sighed. "Kageyama, you shouldn't push yourself too much. You have a fever. You need to rest."

When Kageyama opened his mouth, Takeda-sensei beaten him to it. "Kageyama-kun, if you insist on practicing, eventually you'll break down again and injure yourself even further. Then you'll have to take a longer break from practice. Is that what you want?"

Kageyama closed his mouth, and the corners of his lips fell down into a frown. He only shook his head silently and hung his head low dejectedly. Both Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei shared a worried glance.

"Kageyama-kun." Takeda-sensei placed a hand on his shoulder. "You have to take a rest and recover, okay? Then you can join the practice. For today, please go home."

"Yes, sensei," Kageyama replied quietly, his eyes were still focused on the floor, or maybe he was staring at his own shoes. Tsukishima didn't know.

Their friends tried to cheer him up, telling him that he was going to recover quickly, and Kageyama remained quiet through their words of encouragement. Tsukishima decided to pipe in.

"I thought idiots can't get sick," he said, voice lilting. "I guess I'm wrong then."

"You've been proven wrong a long time ago during our match against Kamomedai," Kageyama replied, still not lifting his head up.

It took a second for Hinata to register his words, and the short middle blocker's eyes grew wide as he looked at Kageyama.

"Now wait a second!" he yelled, as Yamaguchi and Yachi broke into laughter.

Kageyama's shoulders were shaking slightly, and it could've been missed if Tsukishima wasn't already looking at him. Tsukishima felt a smile finding its way to his lips, but Hinata was fuming, yelling at Kageyama and throwing the insult back to him. Their club advisor and coach seemed to ease a little at the sight.

"I'll drive you home, Kageyama-kun," Takeda-sensei said. "It wouldn't be good for you to go home by yourself."

Tsukishima reached for Kageyama's towel, then he placed it on top of his round head, covering it.

"I'll take him home, sensei," he said. "That is if it's okay for me to leave the practice early as well."

He earned several confused looks from everyone. It wasn't as if he and Kageyama didn't get along well, they had gotten better now that they were on their last year. It was just that Tsukishima never really volunteered for anything at all, especially when it came to the King. He didn't think that he should announce to everyone that he was friends with Kageyama Tobio. Anyone with eyes could see that they were friends, and anyone with the ability to read minds could know that he thought of Kageyama as someone who was more than that.

He didn't have a name for it. He didn't want to give it a name, because it would make his feelings become heavier, and he did not want to drag them around.

Still, he couldn't help the fluttering in his stomach as Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai nodded their heads.

_I'm stuck in a very exhausting situation._

It was strange to head home from school at the same time as the other students, and it felt even way more foreign when it was just the two of them. They weren't going to walk through the same path they usually would. Tsukishima thought that it would be much better for Kageyama to ride the bus, and he would be accompanying him. He didn't want to make Kageyama walk all the way from school to his house.

They were walking side by side, and their steps fell into a sync with each other. Kageyama was dragging his feet, unlike his usual self, and Tsukishima became aware of how he was dragging his own feet as well to match Kageyama's steps. The gravel grumbled under their shoes, and it was the only thing that Tsukishima could hear other than the distant conversation of other students.

He glanced at Kageyama.

The dark strands of his bangs were plastered on his sweaty forehead. His eyes were misty as he blinked them, and Tsukishima could see the faint grimace that came to his face every now and then. Kageyama wasn't saying anything, and he wasn't either. He didn't think he had to, but he wanted to.

He rotated his brain around, trying to think of something to say. He couldn't find anything to say.

They arrived at the bus stop, and there were two girls waiting there as well. They were students from their school, but Tsukishima didn't really know any of them. He was sure that they weren't his classmates, maybe they were a year younger? That could be the case, but he couldn't remember if he had walked past them once at school, though it did not matter if he had.

It was a good thing that the two girls didn't even acknowledge them. It seemed like they were too busy looking at something on their phones. Tsukishima wasn't sure why it was a good thing, but he just liked it that way.

He beckoned Kageyama to sit down, and the setter did so wordlessly. It wasn't strange for Kageyama to be quiet. He had always been a quiet person especially when he wasn't standing on the court, but that could always change whenever Hinata was around him. They couldn't go a day without bickering about some stupid and useless stuff- who could finish a whole meatbun faster? Who could reach the clubroom first? Who could collect the most balls in their hands? Who could hold their breaths the longest? Hinata thought it was a good idea to do that, and the two of them almost ended up dead with purple faces.

It was so stupid. So useless and asinine. A waste of time. But Tsukishima listened, and he kept listening, because Kageyama would always talk at those times.

He sat next to Kageyama, and the two girls continued to ignore them and spoke amongst themselves. They were talking about waiting for someone or something like that. He wasn't listening properly.

That someone came. Another friend of the girls. Another student of their school that Tsukishima didn't recognize. The three of them walked away from the bus stop, leaving trails of laughter.

"I should've let Takeda-sensei drove you home," he said suddenly, kneading his hands together. "It would've been faster, and you wouldn't have to wait for the bus."

There was a moment of nothing but the passing chattering of other students and the breathing of Kageyama. And there was his own heartbeat filling him to his head.

He didn't know why he said what he said. He really should've had stayed quiet and let Takeda-sensei brought Kageyama home. That would've had been much better for Kageyama, but he just had to open his mouth and let his brain process everything after instead of before. What if Kageyama was getting worse? The bus stop wasn't that far from their school, but still, walking must be somewhat taxing for Kageyama now.

"Shut up," Kageyama muttered out.

And he did. Not because Kageyama told him to, but because he knew that Kageyama needed to rest instead of having to deal with him and whatever he was going to say. So he shut up.

He took another glance at Kageyama, and he had his eyes closed. He could hear Kageyama exhaling out a curse word, and Tsukishima wasn't sure if it was because he was hurting, or because he was still beating himself up from having to leave practice early. But knowing Kageyama, it must be the latter.

"You're sick. You don't have to feel bad about it," Tsukishima said. He couldn't hold himself back.

"I'm so stupid," Kageyama said, his voice was quiet and hoarse.

"You are," he replied, looking at the road. "You should make it up by taking care of yourself better, your Highness."

He felt a weight against his right shoulder, and he turned to see the crown of Kageyama's head. The younger boy was leaning against him, resting his head on him, and his eyes were still closed.

There was a pause to his heartbeat, but somehow that pause filled him even more. There was a warmth that he didn't know exactly where the source was. He wondered if it was from Kageyama who was burning with fever or was it just him overheating because of the gears inside his head were sent into an overdrive? Or was it the heat that was pooling in his stomach? Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the remnants of his practice.

_But still,_

"Why are you doing this?"

Tsukishima blinked, then he felt Kageyama leaning away from him. And the places he had touched were still burning. He looked at Tsukishima, and the middle blocker met his eyes. They were glassy, tired, and he could see his own reflection wavering in them. He wondered if he appeared hazy through Kageyama's eyes.

"You said that you should've let Takeda-sensei drive me home," he said quietly. "But you didn't. You offered to take me home yourself. Why?"

He wondered what Kageyama saw when he looked at him like this. Not just today, but also every other day. What did Kageyama see? A friend? A teammate? Another middle blocker that played in the same team as him? Someone he trusted on the court? Or just some boy who was too prideful to admit that he was attached to him?

They were two boys. It was unnatural, and he knew that, but he also didn't want this to be natural because Kageyama was anything but that. They weren't like Yachi and Yamaguchi. Tsukishima couldn't show it openly on the stage under all those lights. Tsukishima kept it to himself behind the red curtain, hoping that somehow Kageyama could look through it and see him, because he couldn't show it to him. He couldn't even show it to himself.

He was toeing on a line that he had drawn by himself all this time, and he wondered if Kageyama could see him doing that. Kageyama wasn't the best at picking up the little things- the signs that were more delicate and subtle. He was good at reading that once he stepped into the court, but those things were different. This was unfortunately a matter of feelings. And Tsukishima wasn't the best when it came to that either.

Still, he wished Kageyama could at least decipher the look in his golden eyes because Tsukishima couldn't do it himself.

Kageyama didn't say anything. He was still staring at Tsukishima, waiting for a reply.

"I guess I'm stupid as well," he said, his voice was barely above a whisper.

Kageyama looked at him for a few seconds, then he put his head on his shoulder again. Neither of them said anything after that. Tsukishima didn't think that there was anything else for him to say, and Kageyama should take a little rest.

_Even if the end of the world comes, I won't say I'm in love with you._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is too short :( Truth is that I'm trying to get a very mini break from writing the last part of my thriller au series (?) And i just thought about writing this instead hahaha!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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